The Dating Game

People are a bastard and dating is a bastard. So far of the 7 billion people on this great big spinning ball of shite I have only found, say 6 or so, that I am able to tolerate for any period of time. Two of them were on life support and I just had to sit with them and hold their hand. Even that became mildly annoying because I couldn’t reach out and eat the Milk Tray sitting just feet away; still, one moves on. It feels like I have dated all 7 billion people and on that front, I have not found a single one that cuts the mustard. The closest I came to finding my perfect partner was the one who was sporting a grand collection of customer loyalty cards; Starbucks, McDonald’s, Burton’s Menswear, Easy Jet you name it there was a points and bonus card for it. But I had ideas above my station and I had the audacity to want more.

Dating is a bastard and people are a bastard. Here I am. Single. My only hope for finding a partner is the post-Christmas and New Year break-ups. Well, let’s be honest at that time of the year there is an influx of new stock on to the dating circuit.  The broken hearts are rich pickings for us long-term singletons. Dating sites are replenished with rejected partners whose Christmas presents didn’t live up to expectation or whose New Year drinking excesses bought out a little in vino veritas that wasn’t welcome.

I’ll let you know how it all goes, this is one thing froggy isn’t so knowledgeable about.

Frogs Awaaaaaaaay!

Water Conservation

Froggy loves water. Froggy lives in The Lake District. This is because it’s very wet here. So why is Froggy’s water sent down south whilst Froggy is threatened with water use restrictions in the wettest place in England? Froggy wonders and becomes very angry.

I am not saying we shouldn’t share but those people (and frogs) in areas where there is less water should have the restrictions imposed so that froggy can continue to enjoy lavishly wet ponds, lakes and rivers. If they are not happy with that I suggest either they build reservoirs or other water management facilities closer to home or reduce their populations to more sustainable levels. Is Froggy right?

If we must send water down south then any that we do provide should be the shite that’s left over – the stuff the locals don’t want. We shouldn’t be tolerating shite water whilst the good stuff is sent elsewhere!

Froggy has to go! Enough!

 

 

Froggy fan mail – gay frogs?

Thank you to all my followers for their fan mail, calls, texts, e-mails and gifts. Froggy would love to reply to all of his fans individually but alas it’s not always possible. Occasionally, Froggy feels compelled to reply to, or acknowledge particular communications.

Today I received an e-mail from a concerned follower enquiring what Froggy’s opinion on homosexuals was and whether or not Froggy was gay.

Women who dispose of old birth control pills by flushing them down the toilet have been releasing hormones into the water supply. This has been found to alter the sexual characteristics of certain species of frogs. Some have interpreted this as being the cause of turning frogs gay.

However, more accurately, it seems they are actually causing a medical condition called intersex which also occurs in humans – click here for intersex definition. Some are confusing this with actually turning frogs gay.

Water Pollution Impact – live science.com

The body of a fish or a frog reacts to EE2 as if it were a natural estrogen, “demasculinizing” male animals and creating a condition called intersex that interferes with an animal’s ability to reproduce, Jobling said. Intersex males often produce eggs in their testes.

Froggy says:

Frogs are not gay. People are.

Froggy smiles and croaks. Thanks Dean.

Frog facts

There are over 5,000 species of frog. Not all of them are angry frogs.

Frogs don’t need to drink water as they absorb it through their skin. That gives us more time to focus on drinking alcohol.

A frog’s call is unique to its species, and some frog calls can be heard up to a mile away. A bit like the people of Whitehaven who are also gobshites and loud.

Some frogs can jump over 20 times their own body length; that is like a human jumping 30m. This frog cannot due to a penchant for Nutella.

Due to their permeable skin, typically biphastic life (aquatic larvae and terrestrial adults), and mid-position in the food web frogs and other amphibians are excellent biological indicators of the wider health of ecosystems. Froggy gives this the thumbs up. People should look after their environment and surroundings.

In Egypt the frog is the symbol of life and fertility, and in Egyptian mythology Heget is a frog-goddess who represents fertility.

Froggy smiles and croaks.